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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 23, 2012 21:30:21 GMT -5
Kiku lay on his bed, the covers forgotten on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He enjoyed it, being alone. A roommate would be far too much trouble; he would likely keep the other up at night with panic attacks and sobs. Most nights, he kept himself up with such things. The bags under his eyes proved such, and no amount of sleep medication could aid it. He knew he wasn't an insomniac; he just thought a lot, and his thoughts made him panic, depressed, even suicidal. After too many times of being tied down to the bed, Kiku decided to stop trying to jump out of the window, despite the glass being nearly unbreakable.
His eyes began to shut, slowly but surely, as a wave of sleep hit...
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 23, 2012 21:59:57 GMT -5
He gives an apathetic look at the doorway (Of course doors wouldn't be allowed here. Figures. More opportunities for the staff to pry into the lives of the patients since they didn't have any interesting things going on in their own lives; how typical.) and an even more apathetic look at the guy on the bed. He can tell this guy's Asian; the shape of his face tells all. Greaaaat, just wonderful. Someone who'll act all smug because his family actually looks like him. Just what I needed. Letting the thoughts of how much Yao hates looking at this guy's face settle like dust in an arid desert, he stomps into the room, declaring with a relatively quiet voice: "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, you're getting a roomate most maybe." He grit his teeth. He mixed two phrases together again. Every time he thinks he's rid of that stupid habit it comes right back again.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 23, 2012 22:08:57 GMT -5
The second he hears the voice, his eyes shoot open. Panic settles in quickly, like an unexpected tidal wave, and he begins to tremble. Kami take me, kami take me, kami take me, he repeats in his mind. The word "roommate" brings true terror to his conscious thoughts. At this moment, he wishes that he could melt into the mattress- or, better yet, explode. That would kill him and everyone else in the damned hospital. One moment he could recall when he felt so panicked, so miserable, so willing to die... the day of his mother and father's burial. This came as a close second. His throat was closed in extreme fear, and he could do nothing but squeak, tears already forming at the corners of his eyes.
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 24, 2012 22:36:24 GMT -5
Yao knows a panic attack when he sees one, obviously, but what's not obvious to him is what he should do about it. He's not really a comforting sort of guy. He's not really a feelings guy, either. Nor is he a people sort of guy, but regardless...he has no idea what to do in situations like the one at hand. Really, all he could feel was confusion, transforming into slight annoyance. "Look, you don't need to cry, all right? I don't know what you heard, but I'm not here to invade your personal space or something. I'd rather not have a roommate either, but they said something about "a companion being good for the guy without the roommate" yadda, yadda. I can tell they were wrong." Taking out a little, flat box and a lighter from a hidden pocket sewn into the inside of his hoodie, he pulls an unfiltered cigarette of the cheapest brand there is out of the box and lights it. He just can't handle how annoyed his is without nicotine in his bloodstream.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2012 16:35:16 GMT -5
Kiku can't seem to help it; though the other tells him he doesn't need to, he still cries. They aren't sobs, just silent tears. He has managed to turn them into such after years of practice. At any rate, what was he so concerned for him about? They had just met, and he could tell that the new person didn't like him. For what reason, he didn't know. Then again, why would anyone like him? "Y-y-you can't smoke in here," he says shakily, noticing the cigarette. "F-first of all, they're not allowed, and I have asthma, s-s-s-so if you could not, I-I would appreciate it, p-p-please..." As soon as the words came out, he cursed himself. No way in hell would this person listen to him. He opted for turning his head away, breathing lightly through his nose, tears still falling.
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 25, 2012 19:01:06 GMT -5
He heaves a sigh, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling uninterestedly. "I'd open a window, but from the looks of it you'd probably just freak out more. Or hop the window. Either's likely." Telling himself he'd have a better opportunity for a smoke later, he grinds the cigarette out on his shoe and flicks it behind the bed where it wouldn't be found. "I ain't gonna have you coughing and dying on the floor because I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. That's manslaughter. I've been arrested enough." He makes a quick scan of the room, checking to make sure 407 hasn't shown up. Fortunately he hadn't; Yao was only seeing the small floating shapes, almost like moon jellyfish, bobbing around him. He doesn't mind those. They're sort of nice.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2012 20:52:56 GMT -5
Kiku mutters a quick thanks, then turns crimson at the mention of him jumping out of the window. "O-oh, you can't even open those," he says, pointing to the glass. "Trust me, I have tried. And I have tried jumping. Ah..." Slowly sitting up, he finally turns to the other man. Asian as well, he notes. Most likely Chinese. That didn't bother him so much. He also noted that while looking rather gruff, he was... a bit handsome. His hair was long and his eyes were the color of priceless amber. Tan skin and thin limbs complimented his body. Indeed, Kiku was intrigued about his new roommate, and a little less afraid now than he was before. "Well... since we will be living together now, I guess I should, ah, introduce myself... m-my name is Kiku. Honda Kiku." He gives a short nod, but instead of lifting his head, he keeps it down, as his face is still a slight shade of red.
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 28, 2012 1:01:45 GMT -5
"No wonder it's so stuffy in these rooms." With a roll of his eyes, he tucks his lighter and cigarettes back into his pocket. "Don't sweat it kid; at least you haven't tried to jump off a skyscraper. The view was nice, though." He can nearly feel the guy giving him the once-over. The obvious interest combined with the jittery behavior leads Yao to a conclusion: attraction. Am I a gay man magnet or something? This always happens. He has a history of attracting interested men, which he's never been able to puzzle out. He doesn't even give a damn if they're attracted to him or not; he just wishes he knew why. "Yao. Wang." He's able to conceal the spike in anger when the kid puts his family name before his given name, save for an eye twitch. His parents had made him do the same thing as a child, and he certainly has no praises for the likes of them. Staring hard at the jellyfish, still drifting around the room like glowing angels, he tries to blank out his emotional disturbance. "Duck your head, there's a...goddamn." He'd momentarily forgotten that nobody else can see his hallucinations and had tried to warn Kiku that a jellyfish was headed his way. Wow, way to go.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 28, 2012 23:58:19 GMT -5
"Oh," he says simply. True, he's never tried to jump off of a skyscraper before, but the thought was there... it would be a quick death if he ever needed one... Snapped out of his thoughts by hearing the other man's name, he nods. "Yes, Yao... n-nice to meet y--?! W-what?!" Out of pure paranoia, he ducks regardless. When nothing comes hurdling his way, he lifts his head up and finally looks at Yao full-on. "... I-if you don't... mind me asking, w-why are you here?" He had a hunch that it had something to do with schizophrenia or a similar affliction, but he wanted to be sure. It was a bold question, but he hoped for an answer, even if he had to give one in return.
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 29, 2012 21:26:12 GMT -5
"Yeah, no, you're good, it's nothing." He sighs, that much closer to needing another cigarette. Ahh, there it is, the Big Question in all psych wards. What it usually boils down to is 'is your type of crazy the same as my type of crazy?' "Schizophrenia. Whoop-dee-doo, I see stuff that other people don't, so I end up in this dump." Conveniently forgetting to mention his multiple suicide attempts and disturbances in attachment, he continues: "You might as well tell me what's up with you since we'll probably be stuck here for a while." Yao turns on side and props his head up on his hand. Man, this kid's tiny. Even the meager bed-frames and flimsy sheets look huge and all-consuming as Kiku sits right in the middle. His clothes look to be about three sizes too big for him, too.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 29, 2012 21:41:24 GMT -5
He nods, acknowledging silently that he was right about Yao's diagnosis. Schizophrenia it is. From his scars (he caught a small glimpse of them when the other reached for his cigarette), he thought that maybe something else was wrong... but he decided not to think of it, or mention it. That could be quite awkward. "I am here... for severe depression and social anxiety. Also... post-traumatic stress disorder. Something... terrible happened when I was younger." Curling up, he makes himself even smaller than normal. Should he tell Yao what happened six years ago? He considers it in his head, the thought running around like a frantic hamster on a wheel. After a while, he figures that he might as well; they could be roommates for quite a long time. "I witnessed my parents' murder." After that, he goes completely silent and blank-faced.
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Post by Yao Wang on Apr 29, 2012 22:24:16 GMT -5
Glancing over at Kiku, the cogs in whatever mechanism that runs the mind cease to move inside his head. He's never been able to empathize, or even sympathize, with anyone who had lost a loved one. He'd never felt a sense of attachment to anyone besides the occasional stray animal. He has no affectionate feelings for his parents, his adoptive family, his long string of therapists, no one. "I can't really relate, but that's rough." Yao can only speak from an objective point of view. He stares at the barrage of pink slashes on Kiku's thin forearms and can't help but be a little relieved. Putting two people with histories of self-harm in the same living space was a bad decision on the staff's part; there's always the possibility of sharing scar stories, covering up each others' actions, dropping hints on any hidden sharp edges they may find. Most may call it indecent. Yao calls it networking.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 30, 2012 14:47:29 GMT -5
"Yeah," he says simply, lying down on the bed, this time facing Yao. In all honesty, he could stare at the other man for hours. Did he plan to? Perhaps during the night, if he could get away with it... Suddenly, he notices eyes on his arms. Flushing, he clutches them close to his chest; although he knows that Yao has similar scars, he's still very shy about them. Ever-modest Kiku never wants people to know how badly he hurts. He wore long sleeved shirts as often as possible when he wasn't a patient at the hospital, but that simply was not an option here- they did inspections all the time, and you were punished if a new scar was discovered. Soon, tears began to well up in Kiku's eyes. He started to feel anxiety build up, quickly, so very quickly... stop it, you pathetic fool, he thinks to himself, though he can't. They start to fall yet again and his body trembles like a leaf in the wind. He wants to tell Yao to go away so he can cry in peace, and at the same time he wants to melt into the mattress and never surface again. However, he can do neither, so all he does is cry.
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Post by Yao Wang on May 3, 2012 21:53:57 GMT -5
Yao looks over again, pretty sure the kid is getting tearful, and holds back a sigh. He never knows what to do with crying people, and he can take a guess and say that this Kiku guy is the crying type. That's a lot of not knowing what to do. I'm not very good at this sort of thing. "You're not very good at much." The disembodied voice doesn't phase him; he'd long learned that making a scene would attract unwanted attention. Naga shut the hell up. Yet another person no one but Yao can detect. She's only ever a voice with no body. "A normal person would say something comforting, you know. He's crying, so do something about it." False comfort is just as good as none at all. Now screw off and stop being so bossy. Knowing he's not cut out for being emotional support, Yao stares intently into the hallway, figuring he might as well make himself useful by making sure no one looked in to see Kiku crying.
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Post by Kiku Honda on May 4, 2012 14:22:48 GMT -5
After a while, Kiku's tears slow and eventually stop. He's thankful that no one but Yao saw; he had had a few too many anxiety attacks among other people recently, and if he wanted anyone to be around during one, it was his roommate. At least Yao wouldn't go screaming at the doctors to come sedate him or something. Lifting his head slightly, he sees Yao staring out the door. This perplexes him a bit, because what could he possibly be staring at? The walls are pure white, and no one was walking through the hallway... then a slight idea crosses his mind. "Are you watching for something?" He raises his voice as loud as it can go after crying, but cringes when it cracks a bit.
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